She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
