I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Randomize
