just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
