Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This baby is an asshole
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
