I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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