He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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