Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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