C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
