It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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