How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
