i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
