making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
