i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
