Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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