There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize