thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to cum in my sink.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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