mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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