have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
