Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
