the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
