Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
