Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Someone shit on the floor
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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