So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
