yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
