So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize