he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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