He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
