I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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