We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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