Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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