People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
