Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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