pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
