When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
