Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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