It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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