well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i would one night stand the shit outta him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
These tits shall not be calmed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
