The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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