Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
