She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
