I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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