Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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