need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
