He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
