I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
