i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
