singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
