I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
