My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
