i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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