there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
