Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize