I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize