tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
