Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
