Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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