McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
