They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
