Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
