Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
