i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize