You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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