I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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