So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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