I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize