dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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