We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize