When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
