I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
