C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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