Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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