note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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