How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
