You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
