He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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