All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
