Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
